who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Come share oat with me in your robe
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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