You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
