I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
