Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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