I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can text with my tongue
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
