Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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