my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
