would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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