No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
