I heard we made out
Can Purell be used as lube?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
