lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
you never un-have a 4some
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
