1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
