My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize