I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize