how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
