I wish I could punch you in the face.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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