sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
