god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
