maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I don't deserve a penis
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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