I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
