I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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