is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
