Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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