she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
