Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
