if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize