he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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