This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
