you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
