My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
