ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize