Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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