I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
