Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
