what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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