yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize