then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
