Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
