Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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