Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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