had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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