Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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