Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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