i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
