So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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