man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize
