I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
