got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
