we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dignity is for republicans.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
