be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
