i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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