sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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