I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
