You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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