It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
