trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
