I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
