I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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