I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
