Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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