I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
