He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
