I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
