I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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