apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
