So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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