k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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