True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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