Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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