and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
