the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
