once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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