Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
