They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
