PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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