he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
