Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
