we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
