I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
