9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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