please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize