Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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