I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
