JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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