Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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