we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
