my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
