allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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