Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
