If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
