I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
