I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
