things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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