I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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