you would pick up someone in the library
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
