My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize