I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
