two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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