Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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