I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize