We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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