I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
