so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
