mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
