She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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