Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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