I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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